


Only Ghosts

by briaeveridian



Series: Canon-Divergence [2]
Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternature Universe, Angst/Comfort, DEFECT BEN DEFECT, Emotional Baggage, Emotional Hurt, F/M, I'm really bad at summaries but I tried again, One True Pair, Rey POV, Talking, They are meant to be together and I love them, canon-divergent, first force bond, rey is ~13 here so there isn't a lot of romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-02
Updated: 2020-09-02
Packaged: 2021-03-06 15:27:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,193
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26251159
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/briaeveridian/pseuds/briaeveridian
Summary: As Rey resigns herself to die in the desert alone, a stranger appears and offers her water. He's kind and her suspicions slowly fade away. By the time he disappears from view her whole life has changed.
Relationships: Rey/Ben Solo, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Series: Canon-Divergence [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1918030
Comments: 12
Kudos: 24





	Only Ghosts

_I hate sand_.

Rey lays on her back in the shadow of her speeder. It is the sole patch of shade in this entire quadrant. Her exhausted body tells her being out of the sun’s direct light is not enough. Rey needs water.

She knows the three mistakes she made to end up here, dying alone in this stretch of desert. This list is on repeat in her mind. If her body cannot function properly due to deprivation, then it will make it clear that she deserves her fate.

Mistake one: she took a risk and visited a part of the Graveyard she hadn’t in some time. Knowing that more scavengers loot the fallen ships there, she had calculated it wasn’t anything she couldn’t handle. But she overestimated her abilities.

It happened sometimes, but not often. The ship entrails she had extracted with her small fingers would fetch at least a couple of portions. The thought itself added a bounce to Rey’s steps. When someone descended upon her to take the prize, she drew her quarterstaff in a flash. It is still too big for her, she knows. On the brink of adolescence, Rey’s physical strength is increasing. Of course, there are some who get the best of her.

Snarling, Rey gave up her trophy, knowing the pain this man would ruthlessly inflict could be life-long, if not life-ending. There was no dinner or water because of it.

Mistake two: even though she tried to get up early today, it was later than usual when she set out. _I can’t seem to move fast enough or think clearly enough_. It’s obvious her lack of food and water is starting to affect her reasoning and speed. The danger of this combination is not lost on Rey, who sprawls beside her speeder terrified of what happens next.

Mistake three: she failed to check the fuel levels in the speeder. Rey’s face becomes a sheet of anger, rippling with aggravation toward herself. _You’ll die here, alone, and you’ll miss your parents’ return and they probably won’t even miss you because by now what are you to them_? The stinging thoughts wrap around her like sharpened wire, cutting into her parched skin.

A slight wind picks up, depositing another layer of sand upon everything. She covers her face with her hands, trying to filter the air before breathing it. _This life has given me nothing but suffering_. It’s a familiar refrain, one that is meant to ignite her resilience, her defiance. Now though, Rey is too dehydrated to rally her strength. Instead, her mind wanders to the ocean world that has occupied her dreams of late. A cold roiling place of sharp rock and frigid water. Where birds dive into depths for their meals and large hairless creatures bask in whatever sunlight filters through the constant clouds.

Then, she hears something strange.

Her survival instincts kick in at once. With her limited energy, Rey pushes up onto her elbows and peers apprehensively to her left, in front, and cranes behind her. Nothing.

 _Perhaps they are sneaking up behind my speeder_. She grunts with the effort, laying flat on her grumbling stomach to see underneath the floating vehicle.

She sees a pair of boots, out of place by their cleanliness. The pit in her stomach becomes a rancid, burbling thing. Setting her jaw, Rey stands and grabs her staff. _There is no way out of this but to face it head-on_. 

With one last stabilizing hand on the speeder, Rey emerges and takes her attack position.

“What do you want?”

The man is tall with dark hair, black clothes, black cape, with an expression of confusion so profound she almost cackles.

“Where am I?”

Rey does not respond at first. His head turns to each side, eyes wide as the Happabore troughs. His skin is too pale, his clothes too fine. _Something is very wrong here_. But her fear ebbs slightly.

“Jakku, far west of Niima Outpost.” The exertion to stand is starting to take its toll on Rey. She staggers and his head jerks back to her.

“Are you alright?” He steps forward and Rey raises her staff again.

“Who are you? Why are you here?” Somehow there are no beads of sweat gathering on his brow. She backs up to rest partially on the speeder, hoping he doesn’t notice.

He does.

“You should sit down. You look ill.”

“You don’t know anything about me,” Rey spits.

His hands are up to communicate _I don’t want to fight_ and his meaning is so apparent it almost feels like she heard his thought. She grimaces at him, warning bells ringing.

The man sighs and runs a hand through his clean hair. He looks weary, sleep-deprived. But not hungry or thirsty. His face is heavy with emotion. At the moment, curiosity seems to be winning over the others.

“I have never heard of this happening. Can you see my surroundings? I can’t see yours. Just you.”

Rey’s last burst of energy deflates and she staggers to the ground. When he moves again she swings her staff through the air, but it’s weak and without precision. The man respects the message.

“Would you like some water? I have some right here.” His hands move to pick something up and a large cup appears. A wave of shock rattles through her. “I might be able to transfer it to you if I can come closer.”

“Stay back. I don’t want anything from you. You’re trying to trick me. Or you’re… a mirage.” Rey chokes.

He shakes his head. “That’s not what this is.”

“Then you’re a ghost wanting to take me with you into death. I won’t go.” Her body would betray her with tears if it had any moisture to spare.

“I’m human, I’m alive. My name is Ky-... Ben. My name is Ben. For some reason this is happening, so let me help you. Please.” 

She‘s not sure why but she gets the impression his interest in helping is more about assuaging his own guilt. Rey shakes her head, the buns bouncing softly. _I would rather die stubborn than trust someone_.

“Why are you choosing to suffer when I’m offering to help?” His face shifts again and traces of anger reach across his features. It’s gone almost as quickly and Rey isn’t sure if it was there at all. He shrugs. “My family may think I’m a monster but I refuse to watch a child die.”

“I’m not a child.”

“We aren’t going to argue over everything I say, are we?” He drops to the ground with such a flourish that, bizarrely, Rey almost laugh. _He is too big and too grown-up to act like that, slouching and moody. So temperamental and sulky_.

“You should at least sit in the shade. I won’t bother you.” 

Rey mulls over the thought briefly. He has shown no aggression toward her and the lone hint of anger passed his face rapidly. She shifts back into the shade without taking her eyes off him. It’s hard from this vantage point to keep him in her line of sight.

“Can I sit closer?” 

Rey scrunches her nose. _If I’m going to die anyway, what’s the point in fighting it. I’m too tired anyway_. She nods once to limit her energy usage.

The man is looking at her with an expression she cannot name as he approaches. He maintains distance as he sits in front of her. It feels like he’s inspecting her and she doesn’t like it.

“What is your name?”

Suspiciously, unwillingly, she gazes at him. “Rey.”

“I like your speeder, Rey. Did you build it yourself?” 

She gives him a curt nod, a shy smile wanting to creep across her face. Forcefully, she purses her lips instead. 

“That’s impressive.” To her astonishment, he’s being genuine. Not condescending, pitying, or dishonest. Adults don’t treat her with sincerity very often. She relaxes somewhat, letting her head rest against the vehicle he is admiring.

He continues to study the vehicle. Then he refocuses.

“Why are you out here, Rey?”

“Many reasons. Many mistakes.” It’s too much talking and attention. Rey slumps to the side.

The man leaps up and catches her. The rough fabric irritates her already aggrieved skin. He rights her and moves back immediately. Rey’s eyes are closed. She is too faint to fight back. _This is it, the horrible end_.

Water meets her lips and she sputters. Her eyes fly open and he’s in front of her, holding the water to her mouth.

Rey freezes, unsure what to do. _If it’s poisoned I’m dead anyway. If he is here to kill and rob me at least he will appreciate the speeder_. She opens her mouth to drink further.

It is the cleanest water she has ever tasted. It has an unfamiliar mineral quality but the crispness of it delights her. She grabs the glass to drink deeper.

“Slowly, I don’t want you to vomit it back up.” He places something in her hand. “Eat this. It’s a ration bar. Not anything delicious. But you need something in your stomach.”

She stares at him.

“Why are you helping me?”

“Why wouldn’t I?”

“You don’t know me. I’m a random orphan dying in the desert.”

He is concerned and it’s bewildering. Rey glares at him.

The man straightens and works his jaw.

“I don’t know what’s going on. Somehow, we are connected through the Force. I am not interested in hurting you. I want to be of assistance. But I understand the impulse to reject any form of help.” He sighs and looks to the ground. “You should eat.”

The grumble in Rey’s stomach convinces her. She rips into the bar and though it doesn’t have a great flavor _good_ it is certainly better than what she has eaten her entire life.

Rey looks at Ben through her eyelashes, trying to be discrete. Her own curiosity is starting to increase. Plus the water and food have immediate positive effects. 

“You mentioned the Force. Isn’t that magic or something?”

His face darkens for a moment. “It’s an energy that surrounds and connects everything in the galaxy.” 

Rey ponders this for a moment. Then decides it’s nonsense and doesn’t press. She finishes the bar and drinks more. Already she feels her body returning to its regular level of hunger and thirst.

“Why does your family think you’re a monster?”

Once again, her question shapes his mood. Ben’s shoulders, lips, and forehead all tighten. For a moment, Rey fears he will yell or stomp away. Instead, he speaks quietly.

“Because I killed people. But not who they assume.” Rey feels no concern about this revelation. To survive she has come close to killing people. She doesn’t judge. Instead, she confesses her own dark secret.

“My family must have thought I was monstrous, too. And that’s why they left me here. Alone.” The confession startles her. Ben is concentrated on her with an uncomfortable intensity. 

“Stop looking at me like that,” she snaps.

Instantly his eyes turn away but his brooding energy remains.

“Do you need more food?”

Rey considers this, watching him fidget across from her. 

“How do you have enough to share?”

He snorts. “We have plenty here.” He reaches for something and hands her several more ration bars. “I could bring you a piece of fruit but if I leave I think the connection will break.”

She takes the bars and shoves them into her bag. 

“Thanks.”

“You’re welcome. It feels good to actually help someone.” His energy has shifted once more, appearing what Rey might call _cheerful_. She gets the feeling he wants to say more and also doesn’t.

“You don’t seem like an adult.”

He laughs. It’s a peculiar noise but it brightens his face. Rey almost smiles.

“I suppose I’m not, really. Just pretending. How old are you?”

She stiffens. “I don’t know.” 

Ben nods slowly.

Rey decides to bat a question in his direction. “Do you have friends?”

“I had one but he was killed.”

“And people think you killed him?”

Ben swallows hard. “Yes.” His eyes become watery. Rey inhales at the sight. To fill the awkward emotional silence she speaks rapidly.

“Well, you don’t seem like a monster to me. If it’s worth anything.”

He averts his gaze and Rey sees his chin quake. “It is.”

“Where are you, Ben?” He jolts so dramatically at her words she jumps, too. _Did I remember his name incorrectly?_

He works his jaw as if tasting whatever words he is about to utter. “I’m on a ship. I don’t know where.”

“You’re in space?” She can’t hide her interest.

“Yes.” He looks at her again and his emotional tide has settled.

The sun is starting to streak down the sky. _How will I survive the cold tonight_?

Ben is still looking at her, unsure what to say. Rey decides to risk asking for more.

“Do you have any fuel? I ran out.” She says it quickly, trying to deal with the extended vulnerability as quickly as possible.

He sighs.

“Not nearby. And if I leave…” He shakes his head apologetically.

“It’s fine. You’ve given me a lot already.” Rey finishes the water and leans forward to hand him the cup.

“I have a full pitcher here. I can fill your canteen.”

Rey glances down at the empty bottle. She notices how filthy she is and feels a burst of embarrassment. It’s surprising how much charity she has already accepted. _Goes to show how desperate I have been_.

She decides not to reject any kindness that is coming her way. Rey makes sure to not touch him as she hands him the empty canteen. Without touching at least she can still partially pretend he’s simply a magical ghost. _Someone who comes to you on the brink of death_.

As Ben fills both canteen and cup, Rey’s brain starts buzzing.

“Why can’t you tell your family the truth? That you didn’t kill your friend?”

Ben looks utterly bereaved at her words. Rey regrets the question. She’d rather see him smile. Then it gets worse.

“It’s more than that…” He caves in on himself, shoulders drooping, head falling, knees raising to catch his face.

She can almost see the anguish swirling around him. It’s filled with darkness and abandonment. Things she too has felt and nearly drowned in.

With surprising gusto, Rey comes forward to place a small hand on his shoulder. He recoils at her touch but she presses against him harder.

His voice reaches her as a sandstorm, barreling and eviscerating.

“You don’t owe me anything. You don’t have to be kind to me. I don’t deserve it.”

It takes her a while to figure out her response.

“Whatever you did, I think you did it to survive. It doesn’t mean you’re chained to that path forever. You can change things, you know.”

“That’s awfully wise for a child.” His grows colder, distant. 

Rey removes her hand and a sob escapes Ben. She kneels beside him and steadies her breathing. Focusing on her own recently appeased body highlights just how strange the situation is.

She has never witnessed crying like this before. She can’t see his face. A strong temptation to pull his hands away invades her. Luckily, it’s not strong enough and she is able to overcome it.

“I don’t know much. But I do know it’s never too late. No matter how many thousands of days go by, it’s never too late for anything, even my parents to come back.”

Ben’s head yanks up, palms still close to where they ground into his face. “Look at your life. Abandoned and alone. In this terrible place. Struggling for food and water every day. Nothing about your situation inspires hope, Rey.”

And there it is. The cruelty she is more accustomed to. She stands and moves away from him.

Rey feels his eyes on her. Walking slowly, she commits her face to one of indifference and callousness. When she’s seated across from him, she meets his gaze evenly, daring. 

The look he gives her is sharp and regretful. If eyes could break from emotion, his would right then and there. 

“I’m sorry,” he gasps, hands covering his ears as if trying to block something out. His eyes squeeze shut and he grits his teeth. It’s painful to watch so she looks away.

“The voices say I did more. That I killed Luke. That I destroyed the temple. What if they’re right?” 

Rey wonders if this is how she has looked for years when falling apart about her parents. In total isolation, cut off from any source of comfort. _What would I want from someone if I were feeling this way_? 

He continues to cry across from her. After several moments, she decides to give him what she has always needed. It’s the least she can do for him saving her life.

Rey crouches behind him and wraps her arms around the shuddering form. Her arms don’t reach far but it’s enough. Ben crumbles further as if intending to slip into the ground itself. In her mind, she imagines her parents encircling her, an embrace across time and space. Together they all hold the emotions, guarding against the evils that encroach. Whatever tension Rey held in her shoulders evaporates.

Ben’s breath stabilizes, his back expanding and contracting with intention. Her face rests between his shoulder blades as she tries to match his breathing. But the breaths are too massive and she stops before she gets lightheaded. 

_Why does this feel so natural_?

They haven’t moved in several minutes when Ben places his hand briefly on Rey’s arm.

“Thank you.” His voice is as course as the sand. “I guess I needed that.”

“Crying is normal. People just don’t usually do it in front of strangers. Or in front of anyone, in my case.” Rey comes around to sit closer than before. He straightens, surprised by her nearness. Then he seems to appreciate it.

“I’m sorry you’re on your own. I wish I could help you.”

She stares at him intently, narrowing her eyes. Then she brings her hand to cup his cheek. He blanches at the touch. _What a jumpy man_ she thinks and swallows her smile.

“You already have helped me, Ben. I’ll live another day because of you.” He takes her hand from his face and squeezes it. “But there is something else you can do.”

“What?” His eyes are bursts of texture and color and Rey has an outlandish desire to never look at anything else ever again. _What is happening_? 

She bites her lip then says, “You can reach out to your family. Explain what happened.” 

Ben recoils as if she smacked him. He stands abruptly and moves away in long swift paces. Rey follows him slowly, her body still weary.

“You have a family. You may be angry with them. They may have hurt you, failed you. But I can’t imagine that they don’t love you. To be loved by a family is the greatest gift in the whole galaxy.” 

The words hang between them. Both are utterly still for a fractured moment. Then it’s her turn to weep and it destabilizes her. She falls to the ground but tears cannot come. Only her voice shatters the dry desert air.

Ben turns quickly. He comes toward her but stops, unsure of how to comfort. She crouches on the ground and holds her knees, splinters of grief working into her flesh.

Finally, after several drawn-out seconds, he rests his heavy hand on her back. The pressure is alarming at first, then reassuring. She decides to fully submit to her childish wants and grabs his legs. He jolts again, awkward and overwhelmed by her display. Recovering faster, he bends lower to wrap himself around her as she dry-sobs onto his boots.

“My family would probably love you. You can have them.” He says it kindly but it still rings hollow.

Rey shakes her head and heaves the dry air. Immense sorrow dominates her brain like the Empire’s broken ships overpowering the desert itself. Both impressive and diminishing. Destroying through its mere existence.

Ben hands her more water. “Drink. Slowly.” He pulls her up and gently guides the cup to her lips. Rey locks eyes with him as she gulps. 

There is a staggering well of kindness in their depths, a seemingly boundless compassion. Rey trembles at the sheer goodness of this man cradling her. It’s the crashing of waves upon a sharp-rocked spit of land. It’s the warmth of a fire on a cold night. It’s something she knows or will know. The realization soothes her.

“You are kinder than anyone I’ve ever met, Ben.” She grasps one of his hands in her own to feel the heat of a person instead of the desert’s scald. Once more he looks distrustful, confused, followed by at least ten more expressions that skip across his face. “I mean it.”

“I can say the same for you, Rey. Once you decided I wasn’t a threat.” His lips twitch slightly.

“Maybe you still are,” Rey jokes but shakes her head before the words are out of her mouth. 

Suddenly, she is acutely aware of him. She’s holding his giant hand and looking into his golden-brown eyes. Rey has never had the interest in regarding anyone as beautiful. But Ben is.

The thought makes her cheeks turn ruddy. She drops his hands as is burned. His eyes dart to hers, questioning.

She clears her throat and runs both hands over the dirty clothes she wears every day. It’s embarrassing but she’s too exhausted to think of it for long. Rey turns her head to the horizon, trying to think of something to say.

“So we don’t know anything about this whole connection thing? It may never happen again.” The words spill out and Rey’s face falls. Her voice is pinched, simpering. She hates herself for it and tries to steady her wobbling chin.

Ben lowers his face to peer at her. “I will do some research. And hopefully, the Force will decide our friendship is worth supporting. I’d like to see you again.”

“And if we don’t get to? You’ll become only a ghost in my memories.” It stirs a primal fear within her.

Ben purses his lips as fresh tears slide down his face. “I have never been able to trust memories. But I hope, even as a ghost-memory, I could bring a smile to your face, Rey.”

His words and his sincerity knock the air out of her lungs. She launches at him and for once he doesn’t falter.

“If this is real, then I choose you. I choose you over my family. I will leave Jakku and never look back if you would come for me.”

The vulnerability she shows him makes her queasy. Angry, even. But it pushes its way out of her like a wild thing. And something in Ben seems to match it. He grabs her shoulders.

“Rey, I will do whatever I can. As soon as I can. I’ll steal a ship. I’ll sneak away. I’ll find you.”

Ben’s hands are cupping her face and she nods. She believes him. That expression tells her more than any words ever could.

He is starting to fade. Rey’s eyes trace his features, frenzied. He clutches her hands. She must make sure he knows how she feels, the impossibly fervent promise she wants to make him before he’s gone. Possibly forever.

“Ben, one day, can you think of me as more than just a little kid you rescued? One day maybe-”

But he is gone before she can complete her embarrassing admission, her harrowing demand. That one day he love her so entirely that all the years of isolation don’t matter. That they share a heart as well as all their pain.

Rey lays in the evening air for a long time. When a chill settles over the landscape, her instincts kick in, autopilot overriding her human breakdown. She gulps what is left of the water in the cup then places it in her bag. The ration bars are still nestled within the folds. She checks that the canteen lid is properly secured to avoid spills. 

Rey looks around her trying to figure out what happens next.

 _No gas_ she thinks dejectedly. _Stuck here all night_.

Rey imagines the fruit Ben mentioned, how it would taste, look, feel, smell. Then she thinks of his hair and blushes. _These thoughts make so little sense_. She tries to slough them off.

Something rustles on the other side of the speeder. She slinks around to identify it, hesitant and wary. There rests a dark pile of fabric. She pulls it to her and realizes _this is Ben’s cape_. 

As if on cue, a sharp cold wind pierces her small form. Rey whips the cape around her and marvels at how it keeps the cold at bay. It smells like him, too. Its texture doesn’t bother her now.

She cuddles beneath its weight and lets the starlight dazzle her, knowing Ben is already on his way.

**Author's Note:**

> I couldn't find any specifics about when Rey built her speeder. For this story, I decided that she started working on it at age 12.
> 
> ✨Thank you for reading ✨ 
> 
> You can find me on [tumblr](https://briaeveridian.tumblr.com/) where my SW obsession lives aggressively.


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